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Me, explaining to my partner what kind of role play I want him to act out with me, or what kind of toy we need to get from the sketchy sex shop behind But your partner is not a mind reader. And often, the person who makes a compatible partner for you in a relationship does not have the same qualities as the partner who is compatible for you sexually. Sex is a freaking important box! At least for me it is—it might not be for everyone. I was supposed to be looking for a partner who could support me, treat me right, and stay loyal—not one that would spank me and call me a slut.
I understand feminism to be about choosing how you want to live your life. So for me, feminism means seeking out a relationship perhaps not a monogamous one where all my sexual needs are met. Same theory goes for rolling out your toolkit of kinky fantasies.
Also, try bringing up one kink at a time. Hey, maybe you can role play as teacher and student and give them a whole seminar on each concept one at a time? Remember, consent is sexy! And that goes for every part of sexual play. And feel free to even ask what they think about you for being into it. Stella Harris believes differently. But for them to learn, they need a textbook.
Maybe some of these partners would be willing if they had more guidance. Finding classes or a coach can be a great help to shake loose some of these fantasies, as well as teach practical tools.
Before you ask—yes, there are kink coaches, and Stella Harris is one of them! You can also take this BDSM test to see what you and your partner may already be into. It may even help you uncover some of your own sexual proclivities. Speaking of your own sexual exploration, chances are you probably have some work to do on your end before bringing this up with a partner, just like I did and still do.
Take time before and after your conversation with your partner to delve more into your own sexuality—and share your findings!
I know it can be hard, but try not to be embarrassed about whatever it is your into. At the end of the day, no matter how this conversation goes, it will be well worth it. Nobody else will do it for you. Home Love Sex How to talk to your partner about wanting kinky sex. How to talk to your partner about wanting kinky sex. Ashley Uzer Updated Aug 31, am.
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